You’ve just matched with someone who caught your eye. Now what? This is the moment where your first message can make or break the connection. But crafting the perfect opener can be tricky—what do you say to stand out in their inbox full of “Hey” and “What’s up?” messages?
If you’ve been struggling to find the right words, don’t worry—you’re not alone. We’ve put together this guide to help you craft a message that will get the conversation flowing, spark connection, and make the most out of your match. Get ready to leave those awkward first messages behind and say hello to better dating app success!
Why Your First Message Matters
Your first message isn’t just an introduction; it’s a golden opportunity. According to dating experts, you have approximately three seconds to grab someone’s attention in a digital setting. A strong opener can show your personality, spark curiosity, and set the tone for how the conversation (and maybe even relationship) develops.
By sending a thoughtful, interesting, or genuine message, you’ll:
- Stand out from generic openers.
- Show effort and interest, which goes a long way in forging connections.
- Increase your chance of receiving a reply (and a meaningful one at that).
Now, before we jump into what to say, here’s what to avoid:
- Single-word openers like “Hey” or “Hi”—you’re better than that!
- Comments solely on appearance (e.g., “You’re hot”). While compliments are nice, shallow comments won’t keep the conversation going.
- Predictable questions like “How’s it going?” Think beyond the small talk!
5 Steps to Craft the Perfect First Message
1. Refer to Something on Their Profile
One of the easiest ways to start a great conversation is by referencing something specific from their profile. Maybe you both love hiking, or they posted about their favorite band. Highlighting an interest shows you’ve paid attention and sets the stage for a shared connection.
For example:
- “Hey [Name], I see you’re into hiking—any must-visit trails you’d recommend? I’m always up for an adventure!”
- “I noticed you’re a fan of The National. What’s your favorite album? I’m obsessed with High Violet!”
Starting with a more personalized message like this feels a lot more thoughtful than “Hi there.”
2. Ask an Open-Ended Question
Conversations flow better when there’s room to answer creatively. Try to ask questions that encourage more than just a yes/no reply. By doing so, you create opportunities for the conversation to keep going.
For example:
- “If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go and why?”
- “I see you’re holding a coffee cup in one of your photos—are you more of a latte or espresso person? Or are we talking chai lattes?”
Open-ended questions can also help inject humor and personality into your message. Who doesn’t love a little banter?
3. Add a Dash of Humor
One way to stand out is by making someone smile or laugh. Humor is a reliable icebreaker, and it can help lighten the mood for both of you. You don’t have to be a full-on comedian—just a playful comment or a cheeky question can do the trick.
For example:
- “Quick—pineapple on pizza, yes or no? This could determine our compatibility.”
- “I see you love Marvel movies. Is this a no-spoilers zone, or can we discuss Infinity War immediately?”
- “What’s the last show that made you binge-watch until 2 a.m.? Asking for scientific purposes (also my Netflix queue).”
The key here is to be natural and fun. If humor doesn’t come easily to you, don’t force it—just focus on genuine curiosity instead.
4. Be Direct and Confident
Sometimes, keeping it simple is best. After all, confidence is attractive! A direct message that shows genuine interest can leave a lasting impression.
For example:
- “Hi [Name], I couldn’t resist messaging you—you seem super interesting! What’s one thing I should know about you?”
- “Okay, you have a great playlist taste and an adorable dog. I have to know more about you!”
Being direct doesn’t mean boring. The key is to balance confidence with kindness and curiosity.
5. Suggest a Low-Key Icebreaker
If you’re feeling bold, you might suggest a fun and low-stakes “icebreaker” to make them respond.
For example:
- “Okay, quick game of ‘would you rather.’ Would you rather never drink coffee again, or give up dessert forever?”
- “On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is your car karaoke? Serious dealbreaker question!”
These types of messages are playful yet inviting, helping to establish a casual vibe early on.
Common First Message Mistakes to Avoid
Just as important as knowing what to say is knowing what not to say. Here are a few first-message pitfalls to steer clear of:
- Generic Openers (e.g., “What’s up?” or “You’re pretty”): These don’t encourage responses.
- Overly Long Messages: Keep it concise! One to two sentences is ideal—this isn’t a job interview or essay competition.
- Excessive Compliments: While flattery is sweet, it can come off as insincere.
- Negativity: Keep the vibes positive. Save heavy topics for a deeper stage of the connection.
A Quick First Message Template
Still stuck? Here’s an easy formula for your first message:
Compliment/Notice Something + Ask a Question + Show Enthusiasm!
For Example:
“I love that you’re into [shared interest]. How did you get into that? By the way, [fun or light comment about mutual topic]. Excited to chat!”
It’s polite, personalized, and leaves plenty of room for them to chime in.
Take Your Dating Game to the Next Level
Crafting the perfect first message doesn’t have to feel like solving a puzzle. With a little effort and a dash of personality, you can break the ice and make meaningful connections on dating apps.
Remember—dating should be fun! Don’t overthink it. If your match is interested, they’ll appreciate the effort you put into starting the conversation.
And if you’re looking for even more dating tips or advice, check out our [Relationship Advice Hub] for expert articles to help you on your dating journey. Now go on and craft that spark-worthy opener—your perfect match could be one message away!
